Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
