The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
