I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He is an equal opportunity slut.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
