I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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