I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
