Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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