Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
