I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
