I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Panties = found
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