So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
