"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
