It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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