you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
