In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
