jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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