38 yer olds are good kisserssss
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
