At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
