You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
