New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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