my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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