You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
