We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
