What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
