he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
