Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
