trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
jump out the window naked night went bad
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