I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
