i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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