I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
