i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
