Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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