Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
