i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
