I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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