is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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