I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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