that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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