you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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