Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
