i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
