Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
