I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
