Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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