What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
