i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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