Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
