I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
