u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
