I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
