Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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