I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
