Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
