So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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